317 Zephaniah Way

Focus Findings

2012-01-16T14:51:00.000-08:00

There was a short while that I had a blog called Focus Findings. It seemed that every time I turned around, there was that word, focus. When I would read an email, devotion, or blog post...focus. Scripture, whispers from God, and even photo clip art (which I love to gander through)...focus. Every where it seemed...focus, focus, FOCUS! Therefore I figured I was to focus on focus. It was fun while it lasted, but it indeed was fairly short-lived.

Today as I sat at the dinner table helping my daughter with her Algebra schoolwork, focus was anything but on either of our minds! I happened to let my eyes wander to my fridge. There, on the upper right corner, is a piece of paper that I have magnetized to the chrome colored door. It is a chunk of paper that I typed up almost two years ago after returning from a Hearts at Home women's conference. It was the focus that God laid heavily on my heart and mind at the tail end of this awesome conference the weekend of March 12-13, 2010. It was the focus that God gave to me...and I knew this was a massive focus that would turn into a long-term focus. However, what I did not know was that this focus that God had just given to me would help me through some really difficult times. Less than a week later my husband would leave me. God knew focus is what I would need to get through these rough waters.

Let me share with you the scripture and the focus words God gave to me at this conference.

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Be on guard.
Stand firm in the faith.
Be courageous.
Be strong.
~1 Corinthians 16:13
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Passion- Discover it!
Creativity- Have fun with it!
Truth- Put and keep it in my heart and face!
Hope- Hold onto it...it's real!
Purpose- I have it!
Delegate- Do it!
Redeemed- Again!
---------------------------

Even after typing and indulging in all of those words and thoughts, I am left in awe of my Abba Daddy. Over the past couple of years I have been amazed time and time again at God blessing me with my true focus words, courageous and strong, before my storm hit. I have come to realize, without a doubt, that courageous is a word that God has engraved on my heart, soul, and mind. He has done everything short of writing this word across the sky for me. If I thought I was finding the word focus every where, then I guess you could say that God painted my world with the color of courage so that it would be difficult for me to lose focus on my true focus...courage. My Abba Daddy simply and extravagantly amazes and woos me! (Yes, I used those two words together...simply and extravagantly. That's just how He works in His magnificent way!)

The focus words and commentaries God gave to me to go along with that focus scripture meant so much to me when I penned them. I can still remember the passion bubbling up in my heart as I was being fed such encouragement from my Heavenly Daddy. Today, two years later, I can taste that passion! Oh, manna for my soul! Tears in my eyes...these are the words, the focus for rediscovering me! The anticipation of unwrapping each focus has my heart swelling with excitement in discovering who it is that God is molding me to be! I want to know ten minutes ago who that person is (I'm just a tad impatient) but God knows I could not handle unwrapping those focus words all at once. I need to build up to them, learn them, feel them, taste them, live them, know them, and truly want them.

I'm feeling led to intently focus on each of these focus words. To dissect and discover their meanings in my life. To feel them to the depths of my core. To taste that they are good and full of so much more flavor than I ever imagined! To live them out so that I become them and they become me. To want them, desire them, crave them, and need them in a way that my life will reflect Him as the moon reflects the sun. I want to be an encouragement to other moms, single and married, as they also work their ways through the storms of life, no matter if it is a rain shower or a category 5 hurricane. I also want to rejoice in the sunniest of days with my sisters and celebrate God's goodness in their lives!

I am committing to my Abba Daddy to get my focus, courage, and strength on!

Discovering...ME!

2012-01-15T18:45:00.000-08:00

What is your favorite hobby?
What do you enjoy doing in your free time?
What do you do for fun?

Did answers to these questions come to you easily? Did you have to stop and think...and think...and think only to realize you weren't sure what the answer to any of those questions were? If you had trouble answering these "simple" questions, allow me to direct you down the hall and to the right to the "I Lost My Identity" support group.

I'm speaking from a single mom stand point, however, single or married, moms can totally loose themselves in the midst of raising and caring for their families. We tend to invest our everything into caring for our children leaving the leftover time and energy for ourselves. By the way, we all know that leaving the leftover time for ourselves is the equivalent to leaving mouse sized crumbs for "me time". We end up depleting ourselves to the point of loosing our self identity.

After becoming single, I soon realized that I needed to figure out who I am on my own. Although my title of mother was not lost, it was enlarged with the added responsibilities of the father role, minus the roll of wife. I don't care how you look at it, that's twisted! So I did begin to redefine and discover me. However, after about a year of this, I settled into a comfortable spot of identity. The problem...two years later, I'm still uncertain of who I am! It took trying to answer the question, "What do you do for fun?" to realize that I was still lost.

Recently I was sharing with a friend this frustration of not knowing what my interests are. I was not met with pity or a soothing response from my friend, rather I was challenged: Go figure out who you are and what you like to do!

My initial response to this challenge was, well, Dumb-Founded Syndrome. If you don't know who you are and what you like to do, how the heck are you suppose to figure it out? It is a scary spot...and yet a very exciting, adventurous place to be!

I've decided to take the bull by the horns and tackle this challenge! I've already begun to rediscover old passions I had that had lost their color. Just pondering on these passions of yesterday has brought some excitement to my mind! This post is a prime example! I love to write, especially when my passion juices are flowing. I had almost forgotten how much I love putting thoughts and word pictures on "paper". Honestly, I feel rusty at this time, but practice makes perfect...or at least greatly improved!

Another friend challenged me even further in my adventure: learn to put your likes and dislikes into words. Sounds easy enough, I'm sure. However, if you are a People Pleaser, as I am, its a HUGE challenge! People Pleasers tend to want to do whatever is required to gain others' approval, which means keeping silent in their own likes or desires. We put everyone else's wants and desires in front of our own. Period. This also has greatly contributed to my loss of self...so I guess the kids aren't completely to blame. (insert smirk)

This second challenge will be a tough one for me to conquer, but conquer it I will! It will require a lot of courage on my part to step away from the "People Pleaser" title. But stepping away is a must if I am to truly discover me!

What about you? Are you missing your identity? If so, I want to give you the same tough love challenge that I was given: Go figure out who you are and what you like to do! And while you're at it, you might as well indulge in the adventure and enjoy the ride!

Courage

2011-09-20T20:43:00.000-07:00

Do you have a single word that God has given to you this year? A word that speaks to the depths of your heart, soul, and mind. A word that just makes sense, some how, in your life at this time. A word that carries far more weight than the paper it is written on. This word might be on book covers, found in emails, songs, movies, etc. I have one of those kinds of words this year. My word is (drum roll, please)...COURAGE!

This summer God first gave me this word in my heart. I knew the word, could taste, feel, and sense the word, but I could not make out its sound, spelling, or definition until I found a book. True Courage, by Steve Farrar, is where God chose to reveal this word that I knew in every way but visually. As soon as I saw the title of the book I knew it was the word God had given to me! And since the initial revealing of this word, courage has popped up in many different arenas in my life.

Courageous, the movie
Courageous, the song
And today an email from a pastor friend encouraging me (he does not know about "my word of the year"). He wrote, "A simple phrase I read a lot in the Bible is 'take courage!' I’ve noticed that courage doesn’t seem to come natural when life gets tough…it’s something we have to 'take' or grab hold of."

I wasn't sure exactly what it was that I was going to write about on my blog tonight other than I knew it would be about courage. However, as I reread my email message I found so much strength, determination, and power in what was written.

...courage doesn’t seem to come natural when life gets tough…it’s something we have to "take" or grab hold of.

Yes! That is it! Courage isn't natural. It is something we must pursue, struggle to grasp, and fight to hold onto. It takes a deep determination to find courage. It takes faith to trust courage. It takes focus to keep a firm hold of courage. It takes strength beyond our own to not let go of courage. And it takes support and encouragement to readjust our grasp on courage when it seems to be slipping from our strong hold.

My world was thrown for a loop last week. Being thrown for a loop can cause your grasp on courage to slip or even completely loose your grip. That's a hard spot to be in. I am being reminded not to loose heart, Courage has not left me. It is still there waiting for my grasp to take hold and focus on what is True. Today I am finding my focus again, I am in the process of wrapping my hands around courage. I am rediscovering the strength that comes with courage. And I love the reminder that its okay to struggle with keeping courage. Its not natural, we must struggle through the fight, keep our focus, and keep our mind set on Truth...and courage will once again be found.

Courage causes the weakest to be strong, the smallest to shine in His glory, the least confident find a confidence that is beyond them, and hopeless situations suddenly don't seem so hopeless but a challenge and opportunity to show off our Courage!

So what's your word of the year, month, week or day?

An Experiment of Sorts

2011-09-14T21:10:00.000-07:00

Yep, our family has made up an experiment and we are the guinea pigs. This experiment goes against all that my generation was told when we were growing up. In a twisted way, this experiment suits my kids' generation perfectly. The key word in that last sentence is "twisted". The experiment: when it comes to meal time, eat what your body is asking for. Done. That's it. Wha-la!

This whole experiment started last week. My children and I did a 24-hour fast together in support of Kids Against Hunger. All of us fasted from something. Everyone except for Claira fasted from food. Claira chose to fast from electronics. We all made it and the kids were amazed at how well they did with their first fast. I was very proud of all of them, because at times it was hard to resist indulging in something they wanted, but were denying themselves. (We did drink juices and the kids slurped tomato soup as well.)

In the middle of the fast, Grace and I were chatting about our experience with the fast thus far. I made comment that it was nice not to have to eat. How ironic is that statement. You see, our generation grew up being told we needed to eat everything on our plates because there were starving children in Africa who would love to eat our food. So we did our part to help those starving kids by cleaning our plates...yeah, that makes no sense to me either. I don't mean any disrespect, but wondering how our clean plates had anything to do with those swollen bellies. But I do know that our parents were doing their best. Knowing that hind sight is 20/20, I'm sure our parents wonder what American children's clean plates had to do with starving people in Africa too. I wonder what our children will be baffled about with our parenting. Ha!

Back to my comment about being glad to not have to eat. There have been far too many times that I will eat, but not out of hunger or even out of wanting to eat for my enjoyment, rather to please others. Yes, you read that right, I sometimes will eat because I don't want to disappoint someone. I was a big eater growing up because I was burning calories as fast as I was loading up on them. I was a competitive swimmer for 10 years. When I stopped the swim team, after graduating from high school, I continued my big eating partially our of habit and partially because it is what was expected of me. I know, that is twisted and sick, but I'm such a people pleaser. Over the years I have noticed that I will not be hungry, but I will find that I will eat just so that no one will question why I'm not eating, which has happened several times. My mind translates that to disappointment. I'm working on moving away from that funky way of thinking.

In our household, I do encourage my children to take at least a small spoonful of every food I make for a meal and take one little taste if nothing else. I do not push cleaning their plate unless they want seconds or dessert. But I do find that I will question my kids as to why they aren't eating all of their food. Sometimes I even urge them to at least take a small bite of a food if they didnt' taste it. It is kind of that same mind frame our parents had, just a tad more relaxed.

While doing the fast, we noticed that we weren't as hungry as we thought we'd be, some of us enjoyed the break from feeling like we had to eat, and we delighted in the chance to spend time focusing on God and others made me realize something. What if I'm doing this whole "balanced eating" thing wrong? Why must the kids eat spaghetti when all they really want to eat is a big ol' salad? Why insist they eat potatoes when they want to load up on apples? What if their body is in need of what one food will give them and I'm insisting that they eat another? I know, this all sounds radically weird. That is why we are doing this short term, 2 week, experiment.

Now, before someone leaves a comment about needing to eat a balance meal, know that I have already made it clear to my kids that if it seems that they aren't eating a healthy array of food, I reserve the right to use my "mommy dictatorship" and prepare their plates for them. I won't allow the kids to continuously load up on only plain spaghetti noodles and nothing else. But what if one day they do? Well, so be it. We are on a 2 week experiment!

I personally am thrilled to do this experiment because it gives me permission to eat only if I really want to. The experiment allows me to skip a food item if I'm just not feeling the love for it that day and I won't be a bad example for doing so! In fact, in this experiment, I'll be a great example for skipping over a food if my body isn't wanting it. I think that is pretty sweet!

With this experiment, I have encouraged the kids to strive to eat well and to listen to their bodies. I'm interested to see what the outcome is of our experiment. Will there be less resistance from Claira, my extremely picky eater, and maybe she'll actually begin eating some of the foods she avoids? Will our bodies become less demanding of food because we are giving it what it needs rather than what our desires want? Will I have less fluctuation in my weight? Will TJ and Claira crave sugar less? Ha! (I will still be monitoring the youngers' sugar intake. Not ready to let them have a free-for-all on that.)

There you have it. Our latest and greatest family experiment! I'll update in a couple of weeks how the experiment went and if it will be dubbed an "experiment" or cemented as a life style change. Stay tuned...

You Just Never Know

2011-09-09T20:44:00.000-07:00

Those words have popped into my head several times today. So it got me thinking about some "you just never know" moments in my life or in friend's lives. Here's a few that come to mind.

You just never know...what to expect when you think you are going to see a some what educational play staring Mark Twain. This is what I get for having the educational mindset front and center of my mind. It ended up being more of an entertainment type play. Sigh...oh well, at least the kids got to see the attire Twain wore and what he looked and possibly sounded like.

You just never know...what you're kiddos are up to. I found Claira sitting on my Grandma's sewing desk, which we use as a table in our living room. I've not found her on top of it before.

What was she doing...

Besides looking cute in her new cat ears head band she just proudly bought with her own money?

She was intently looking at this old Time Magazine that I had stashed away in a filing cabinet!

I'm wondering if she was admiring these colonial type "Punky Brewster" costumes and trying to get ideas.

You just never know...what God has planned when He impresses upon your heart and mind NOT to follow through with some amazing plans with friends that you have set. He just might have plans of freeing you from "shackles"!

You just never know...What kind of fun and memories you'll make when your brother and nephew come into town.

We all, 5 kids and 2 adults, went to our very first Reds Game. It was also my kids and my very first Major League game. It was so exciting and even that much more fantastic than a Minor League game! We had a pretty good outfielder view...and great seats for my brother to catch a killer home run ball! Let me tell you, he was "da man" for the evening with catching Jay Bruce's hit. And even a month later his hand is still bruised feeling, but it was all worth the experience and memories!

Oh, the memories! I absolutely love this photo. Grace, the one with the "get out of here" expression, is...well, pretty much telling Joey, my nephew, to get out of her ice cream. I love that these cousins can tease each other all in good humor and make precious memories such as these.

You just never know...what path God will lead you to or what turns He will lead you to take. For me, the path began with Baking School, switched over to Cosmetology, and am now firmly set on Business Administration...and I love it!

You just never know...when you will stumble upon a deal that you have been so patiently waiting for.

I love these plates! About 4 or so years ago I found this pattern on sale at our local grocery store. I couldn't pass up the bowls and coffee mugs that were marked for only one dollar! Ever since, I have desired to complete this set, but to no avail have not been able to find this pattern. My desire to have new dinner dishes has been one I've been suppressing for several years now. There is nothing wrong with the dinner dishes we use now. It's just that they are 20 years old and I've been ready to say "out with the old and in with the new." But this was never a need, only a want...so I resisted. UNTIL about two weeks ago my kids and I were at this same grocery store when all of a sudden a light shown down from the heavens, angels started humming a beautiful "there it is" tune, and the birds swooped down and tied bows on these beautiful dishes. OK, so the light, angels, and birds are a far stretch, but in my head all of that was happening! BUT those dishes were priced a little too high for my budget and they were still a want, not a need. Once again, I resisted. HOWEVER, I did firmly announce to my kids that "if those plates get marked down to one dollar, I'm buying them." Guess what? Today those dinner plates and dessert plates were marked down to one dollar each! My kitchen cabinets now glow and smile when I open the cabinet doors to see those beautiful plates waiting for us to use!

You just never know...what trials others have been through. I was chatting with another homeschool mom today only to discover that her husband is literally a walking miracle! I loved seeing the sparkle in her eye as she spoke about God healing her husband.

You just never know...what pictures you'll find on your camera after the kids have hijacked it.

This is Della's side of the bedroom, but I'm pretty sure the hijacker was Claira. I love seeing what the kids take pictures of when I'm not looking. It lets me know what's important to them.

You just never know...what is in store for this weekend. My kids and I are participating in a 24 hour fast, along with several other families, in an effort to try to get a lick of what it must feel like to starve. I say "lick", but honestly it probably isn't going to even be that much of a taste, but it is something that we can do. (My younger two are fasting from using any electronics while my older two are choosing to fast from food along with me. This will be their first fast and I am so excited for them!) We are looking forward to the extra time with God, prayers for these starving people, and asking God to show off as we raise funds to give to Kids Against Hunger (KAH). We are so ready and expecting to be wowed by God all for the sake of His starving children and for His glory! You can read up more on this event at Boundless Ministries.

It is very true that we just never know what to expect at times, but as far as I'm concerned, it's all part of the adventure of life!

On the Lite Side of Things

2011-09-06T11:54:00.000-07:00

Just this week God has freed me of my shackles! Not literally, well...actually I do mean literally! But they weren't physically locked on my body...um...actually, yes they were! Okay, so you couldn't see those shackles that had me bound, but maybe the extra hop in my skip will be the visual others will notice. The bottom line is I have experienced freedom in a way that I never had before! Freedom from worry, guilt, heaviness! And it is w-o-n-d-e-r-f-u-l! God brought this verse to life for me this week:

You will know the truth,

and the truth will set you free

John 8:32

This freedom has allowed me to rest, relax, and enjoy all that I am blessed with: family, friends, health. In fact, last night I recommitted to myself to get a hold of my health now before the holiday food frenzy begins. Not to mention that it is not an option to gain weight since I gave away all of my "big" clothes and can not afford to replace them. Mind you, I don't want to go back there either because I feel so great! I do believe it is very true of what I've heard that "40 is the new 20."

If you have read to this point then you can consider yourself automatically enrolled in my accountability group! And should you desire to recommit to a healthier you then let me know and I'll be your accountability cheerleader!

Today as I was on the treadmill at the Y I had the little TV on. A really funny and true-to-life commercial came on that suddenly caught my attention. I didn't catch the whole commercial, but got the gist of it. Two children, probably 8 and 10 years old, look like they are wanting breakfast, but suddenly their mom comes dancing into the room with weights in her hands and exercise clothes on. The kids get this "oh no" look on their faces. The commercial goes on to show mom doing more workout movements through out the house. Then one of the kids, who is peeking around the corner, says something to the effect of, "when mom eats healthier, we all have to eat healthier." It cracked me up because how true is that! I share that with you because I let my kids know this morning, first thing, that we were getting back on track with eating before the holiday food frenzy starts and they agreed and yet gave me the same kind of look those kids in the commercial gave to their mom! It is just funny stuff!

My hopes is to be on the lite side of things in more ways than one. Freedom from those shackles has been the biggest and most effective move in this direction. I hope and pray that you too can find freedom from any shackles you may have binding you.

Yummo Chili

2011-09-05T15:23:00.000-07:00

Today we had a sudden blast of cooler temperatures invade our region. Just a couple of days ago we were melting in 90-something degree temperatures and today we are struggling to just hit 70 degrees! With these fall like temperatures settling in, I have found that I am suddenly in the mood for fall type foods. Chili tops that list! And what better way to make chili than to make it in the crockpot!

I pulled out one of my favorite cookbooks, Fix It and Forget It, Big Cookbook, and tweaked a recipe according to what I had in our cupboard. Here's the recipe I ended up with:

Corn Chili

1 lb ground beef, cooked
2 tsp salt
3 14 1/2 oz cans diced tomatoes (one each: plain, garlic, and onion seasoned)
6 oz can tomato paste, diluted with 1 can water
2 cups canned corn
16 oz can chili beans
16 oz can black beans
2 tbsp chili powder

Combine all ingredients in crockpot. Cook on low for 5-6 hours.
Top with sour cream and shredded cheese.

It is almost dinner time! I can't wait to sink our saltines into this chili!

Our Un-Labor Day

2011-09-05T14:59:00.000-07:00

I didn't think it was possible. I didn't think I could even do it. In fact, I couldn't remember what it was like. To have a day with absolutely no agenda, no lists of things to do, places to be or people to see. Nothing! Yet, it seems that I am accomplishing what I didn't think I could do...un-labor on Labor Day.

What does un-labor look like in my household?

No workbook school work!

Although Mr. T did enjoy getting started on putting together a wooden airplane model I found last night while cleaning out a drawer.
Claira loved helping me mix up Buckwheat waffle batter for breakfast.
Della, with the help from Claira, thought that since the vegetation outside will soon be dead that she would pick some of it and decorate Claira and her room with vines, weeds that could be mistaken for small trees, and whatever else would make for a jungle like theme in their room.
Grace and a friend indulged themselves by making peanutbutter fudge.

No laundry washed, dried, or folded.

The world did not come to an end!

A little visit from a friend

Minus the guilt trip feeling of "I need to be doing something other than sitting and talking." Visits with friends do the heart, mind, and soul good!

The joy of just sitting and leisurely planning Mr. T's 9th birthday party.

FYI, planning a boys birthday party is not about pretty and cute stuff, rather its all about explosion and reaction stuff!

Making our first crock of chili of the season.

The crockpot means that dinner will not be stressful, rushed, or mysterious...as in no clue what dinner will be until I'm in the middle of making it. Rather, I sit here working on my blog knowing that dinner will be ready, delicious, and plenty!

Taking the time to just sit and take in the calmness of an agenda-less day.

It seems that our days are always filled with something that must be done, places we must go, and people we must see. To have this gift of letting the day just, well, just happen leaves me at peace.

I hope your Labor Day was just as unproductive and enjoyable as mine was!

Against All Odds

2011-07-19T22:45:00.000-07:00

That's the way the cards seem to be stacked...against all odds. Against all odds of success. Period. So the flip side is all odds are pointing at failure, defeat, loss.

You find a single mom any where in this world and more than likely most of them will have the cards stacked against them. They are doomed to failure, poverty, loneliness, and even pity.

I know there are a lot of families, that still have their marriages intact, struggle with odds stacked against them as well. I know several. So stacking odds against families seems to be an equal opportunity type of thing. It doesn't care if the family is dysfunctional or not, it just likes to toy with those who are "down on their luck"...mind you, I do not believe in luck by any means, even though I will loosely use that term. Anyways, I digress.

For this post I'm sticking with a focus on single moms, since that is my situation. So let me go ahead and paint you a picture of the odds stacked against me.

I am a single mom. (POW...let's get the biggest card thrown out there already.)
I have a full-time paying job that pays multitudes in satisfaction, love, and confidence that I am doing what God has called me to do, however it doesn't pay one red cent towards bills, groceries or extracurricular activities. It's a 100% volunteer job. The job title: Stay-at-home Mom. Best job in the world!
I have a part-time paying job. And by part-time I don't mean a 20 hour a week paying job. It's more like a 28 hour a month job.
I homeschool all four of my children.
I am going to college part-time.
I'm scared to pieces to go back into the workforce full-time. I'd much rather deal with my hormonal teen and tween daughters, push-me-to-the-limits son, and defiant youngest daughter any ol' day!

Okay, there's a good portion of the against all odds deck I've got to play with. Gee, who the heck mixed and dealt that deck anyways? Never mind, He can deal the deck however He pleases.

Let me show you a picture. Take a good look at it and take note of what all is in it.

Sorry if you were hoping to find a really thought provoking photo or a picture that would just take your breath away because of the intense beauty that was captured in the moment. This, my friends, is my dinner table enhanced with so many blessings! This table has a hand of cards that trumps the hand I listed for you above. Let me take you on a tour of my Table O' Blessings!

That little pink Post-It on the computer, that has the web address, ID, and password to get onto the public library's resource site. And I'm not talking about an equivalent to Google either. This website has the kind of information that will help my children and me in our schooling! It has reliable information. That, friends, is something very valuable when it comes to our educations!
To the left of the computer sits my prayer journal, Bible, and Bible Study (I'm currently doing Beth Moore's "Living Free" study). No, I didn't set them there as a prop for this picture. There's just no telling where you'll find my Bible in my house! I love that! And I love the wisdom, truth, and peace that God's Word gives to me. There is no price tag big enough for all that!
To the left of my Bible is a big ol' pile of school curriculum books...and yes, that Bible on top is a curriculum book in our school. Much of that pile was given to us. Free! Can't beat that price!
Just above my prayer journal is a read-a-loud book. Mary Poppins Opens the Door to be exact.We LOVE read-a-loud books! We have been given quiet a few of these types of books and I have been really hitting the jackpot at Target in their dollar bins! I have probably picked up well over 10 read-a-louds for about $15! And we're talking some classics! In fact, we may have enough read-a-louds to get us through next year as well. Oh, that just thrills me!
Just above the Mary Poppins book is a couple packs of mechanical pencils that I was thrilled to find at Staples last week for next to nothing...I think they were 25 cents per package. I was so excited to find this great deal! These pencils will go into the kids' co-op bags. And just the thought of getting ready for co-op to start back up just leaves us all tickled pink! We are blessed to have so many good friends there. No price tag for that either. See what 25 cent packs of pencils does...brings a big smile to our faces!
That bag at the top of the table is full of brand new curriculum books for the kids for our 2011-2012 year. It was a total fluke thing that I even ended up in the Parent-Teacher store that day back in June, but I think God had it all planned out the whole time. He just wanted to surprise me with curriculum that He knew would meet our needs and desires in what and how we want to learn. And the coupon I had got me one of the workbooks for free! I have kept those workbooks in that bag for the past couple of months and am so anxious to pull them out and place them in each students' workbook holder! It's almost like having a Christmas gift under the tree that you must wait to open! I know, I'm a geek, but I love it!
That home grown rose in the old white vase. That is a gift of love. There is an older couple in church that weekly brings in produce and fresh cut flowers from their garden. They find joy in sharing their bounty. And every week they ALWAYS seek me out to give me a bag of fresh homegrown produce and a flower! I do not have to go to their little make shift produce stand outside the building, they bring it to me! And they always make sure to get the produce to me first thing before everyone else has their pick of it. Oh, people, that is a sacrificial love that I do not over look!
Below the rose is a stack of empty binders waiting to be recycled. That means money that I don't have to put out. Hmm, so I'm handing down to myself. Cool...what ever works my dad always says.
To the right of the computer is another pile of free workbooks handed down to us and some old writing guides that we've had since our first year of homeschooling 10 years ago! That just makes this mama's sentimental heart smile.
That lap top computer. That, my friends, is a loaner. A free loaner. A free loaner that has just been refurbished. A free loaner that has just been refurbished and updated with the most recent Windows programs...and came with my name already entered in it so that "Jennifer" pops up on the screen when I turn it on. I get to treat it as my own during the whole time I am in school. No strings attached. Hmm...I'm beginning to think the odds are starting to fall down around themselves!
And finally, that table laced with all kinds of school planning stuff is in a house that has a roof over it, a/c and heat, electricity, running water, and plenty of room for our family of 5 to live comfortably in. I realize that I am over-the-top blessed to have a secure home for my family to live in. Totally over-the-top blessed!

So you see, yeah, according to society's standards I suppose the odds are stacked against me. But when you look at the big picture...or maybe when you don't look at the big picture but zoom in you will see that it is a mirage. The cards are not stacked against me and my kids. Nope. We aren't rolling in wealth, but we are surely rolling in blessings, love, and joy! Praise God from whom A-L-L blessings flow! And praise God for trumping that hand of cards!

Caught Between A Rock And A Hard Spot

2011-07-17T19:49:00.000-07:00

Caught between a rock and a hard spot. That's exactly what it is. We've all experienced it in some form or another, to some extent, and to various intensities. It's never fun nor easy being caught between a rock and a hard spot. Never. However, I do believe in the depths of me that in these places is where God can grow us like wildfire if we allow Him.

I was talking with some girlfriends this evening and we got on the subject of choices. We spoke about choices to fall in love with a person or not. The choice to be "straight" or gay. The choice to obey God or plug your ears while loudly singing "lalalalalala" to drown out His Holy voice. We choose because God gives us that freedom. He doesn't demand our love, attention, or our allegiance. He allows us to choose Him...or not.

This brings me full circle to something that has currently got me on fire. As a single mom, I have quiet a few single mom friends, and even a few single dad friends. Do you know what seems to be one of the top focuses of all of these singles (and I include myself)? Finding someone to be their spouse, and for women someone to be their protector and provider.

I am seeing first hand how this desperation will drive the least expected to make choices that friends would not expect of them. I'm seeing first hand how single moms are so desperate to have that protector and provider that they will lower their moral and faith standards. They are desperate! I totally get that! It is scary to be a woman, with children and not have a man to defend and protect you, a man to come to your rescue when mechanical stuff needs repair, and a man to be the bread winner. And it's absolutely not the way God intended families to be.

My heart breaks as I watch single mom friends make choices that are less than stellar. They are looking for their voids to be filled in a man...and they are desperately seeking out these men. Desperation will cause one to make bad choices. The evil one enjoys watching us squirm and panic in our desperation. The more desperate the greater the chance that a choice will be made that will cause great joy to his twisted self.

I have a question. What if we, single moms and single dads, made the conscious choice to throw caution into the wind? What if we decided to let God be our Match.com? What if we choose to lock our gaze on God rather than the next guy who passes us by? What if we did the radical and unpopular thing of choosing to stay physically, mentally, and spiritually pure as God heals and grows us? What if God has a wonderful gift of a forever spouse for us, but He's got just a little more healing or growing to do on that person before He gives that gift? And as Superchick asks, "What if if your prince comes riding in while you're kissin' a frog? What's he gonna think then?"

Please hear me out! I am desperate to be in close relationship with my Abba Daddy. I am striving to make choices that will cause others to see Him in me. I hunger for His will and glory! And yet, I am still human. I am going to have those days, maybe even weeks that I so desire to have that "other half". I'm sure I'm going to make less than desirable choices. But how I pray that God will continue to protect me from stumbling and falling in between a rock and a hard spot. How I desire for my friends to find favor in His sight as well.

So what do you say? We've got a choice to make...what's it going to be?

To listen to Superchick's song "Princes and Frogs" click here.

The Need to Not Understand

2011-05-14T20:54:00.000-07:00

I'm still chomping on Building 429's line in their song Listen to the Sound.

"You don't know what faith is, until you don't understand."

I could totally get on my soapbox and hang out there for a long while on that above sentence, but I will resist...for now anyways. However, I am going to stand beside that soapbox for a moment.

Here's the thoughts that are going through my head about this need to not understand some things in our lives.

Why do we always need to understand God's plan?

Think about it. We often expect our children to obey and follow our plan. When they begin to question, in an attempt to understand our plan, what is our response? "Because I said so." Their job is not to always understand, but to just obey and follow through on the expectations because we know best. The result of their obedience will be the explanation.

Of course, sometimes the result isn't understood at that moment. For example, we tell our kids that it is important they eat well balanced meals so their bodies will grow strong and healthy. Eating spinach at dinner tonight is not going to cause our kiddos to grow Popeye strength, but continuously obeying our guidance to eat balanced meals will lead to strong and healthy adults.

So why do we adults think we are an exception to the rule of not needing to understand? God knows best. I have no clue why some of my friends are going through difficult times with their children, are struggling in their marriages, or have tough, tough health problems. I don't even know why my family fell apart. Why, God? WHY? And God's response often is a response of "because I know best." Seriously, God? Yep, just trust Me and rest...I've got you...remember?

I have found that when I surrender my need to understand and just rest in His truth, I have a peace that absolutely passes all understanding! Ha! I just made myself giggle in my little brain. Did you catch what just came across the screen? I have found that when I surrender my need to understand and just rest in His truth, I have a peace that absolutely passes all understanding! There it is! Scripture that tells us to throw understanding out the window! I have got to go locate that scripture!

"And the peace of god, which transcends (to pass beyond the limits of) all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7, NIV

So there you have it, folks. Toss the need to understand God's plan. Oh, the blessings that flow when we surrender control to the I Am. Oh, the peace that reigns in our heart, soul, and mind when we just obey. Oh, the joy of knowing that we are loved, cared for, and His!

I'm stepping away from the soapbox now.

Renewed Trust

2011-05-13T22:14:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here, at my computer desk, feeling a strong urge to blog something as I listen to music in the background playing on AirOne. The Hill Song United lyrics making their way into the room I'm in are "without You I am nothing". The words keep repeating..."without You I am nothing"...and I keep chewing on them and agreeing with them whole-heartedly.

As a single mother of four children, whom I homeschool while I am in college myself and with no major income to claim other than a sweet little coffee bar managing job at my church, I stress. Period. Or rather, Exclamation Point! I stress mostly over finances, but who on this earth doesn't fall prey to this pit at some point in their life? I worry about other things as well:

How do I fix the leaking toilet?
What do I do if a pipe busts?
What if the a/c bites the dust?
Will my neighbors complain about the grass growing along my fence line that desperately needs the attention of a weed eater, which I have but it's currently in a coma state...or I hope that is the case anyways.

Yes, as a single mom I worry. And would you like to know how this benefits my children and me? It doesn't. At all. Exclamation Point!

Let's see, worry gets us:

Short tempers
Intolerance
Fear
Frustrated attitudes
Loss of joy
Grumpy people
Lack of motivation

Are you getting the picture? Worry damages us!

Worry is a result from the serious case of not trusting God and His mightiness. Worry is shrinking God down to the size of a teddy bear we carry around. I actually had a friend confront me with this very visual...she accused me of treating God like a cute little teddy bear I carry around on my hip rather than trusting Him to be the Mighty I Am. And as hurtful as the statement was, she was right! It was and continues to be a wake-up call for me.

Trusting God requires our all. It requires our faith and, a biggie for many of us, our complete trust. Building 429 has a new song out with lyrics that just take my breath away every time I hear them. "You don't know what faith is until you don't understand." Those words speak so much truth!

When we understand all that is going on in our lives, things make sense and seem to be right, there is less of a need to work our faith muscles. However, allow a kink to pop into your world that just doesn't make sense to our human minds and we begin to question because we don't understand. We can continue to question, blame, and complain about this kink or we can buck up and face it, fall into the hands of Trust, and just go where He takes us!

There are times that these falls of trust do not allow us to even have a glimpse of what tomorrow brings. This is when God gently whispers "Are you not okay today?" In other words, all of your basic needs for survival are being met. The pain, confusion, hurt, and questions may remain, but these are all blindfolds that provide the opportunity for us to build our trust in God.

This is where I am. I am reminding myself daily, if not hourly, that God is not a cute teddy bear, rather He is the Great I Am who cares deeply for me and is waiting anxiously to open the flood gates of blessings for my children and me to receive. God is absolutely ready to work miracles in my life...amazing miracles! Miracles that just leave me speechless with only tears to shout my joys and raised hands to sign my gratefulness! And with each act of love God blesses me with it's as if He's whispering, "I've got you...remember?" And I can't help to reply, "Oh yeah, I do!"

Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

A Mom's World of Wonder

2011-03-31T21:24:00.000-07:00

Wonder. I believe this is a word that is engraved into a mother's brain as soon as she discovers that she has this thing called a "womb". I think it must also be a gene built into our genetic make-up and grows stronger, some how multiplying as her womb enlarges. And as we all age, those freckles, sun spots, age spots (what ever you want to call them) would probably have the word wonder hidden in there somewhere if we were to look at them through the lenses of a pair of those secret de-coding glasses that our kids have laying around their rooms. Its a word that is all to typical in a mom's every day conversations and thoughts. Wonder...

So what do we wonder about? Well, it all depends on the day, stage our children are in, if we (moms and children) woke up on the right or wrong side of the bed. Wonder dangles on so many circumstances. Missing socks, crumbs on the floor, marker on the wall, a child being way too quiet for far too long, a sweet gesture by a mischievous child. Wonder also hinges on dreams of the future. Will that son become a professional baseball player, am I doing enough to build my child's self worth and esteem, have I raised them well enough to be a constructive citizen in this crazy society. Wonder...

Are you wondering what I'm wondering today?

Why is it so hard to keep a good balance between spending time with my kids and taking care of my adult responsibilities?
Was I too hard on my son?
Am I investing in my daughter enough? And why can't I ever find the time to finish that last Secret Keeper Girls date with her?
Am I expecting too much or too little from my children?
Do they know how much I love them...I mean REALLY love them?
Why did I loose my temper and yell like a crazy woman like that?
Why can't I be more creative in my dealings with disciplining my kids?
Why can't I remember to dog proof the house every time we leave? And why the heck does the dog have to tear through the garbage and get on our beds when I don't dog proof? Does she understand the concept of time out?
What is going through my little girls mind as she dances around the room in her ballet leotard so gracefully?
Do I allow my kids to play on the computer too much each day?
Why is it snowing at the end of March?
Will I do better as a parent tomorrow?

Man, that wonder word can really beat us up! I wonder what would happen if we didn't wonder so much. I think it's good to do some wondering, but is it dangerous to do too much wondering? Hmm...I suppose this would all depend on what you are wondering about! To wonder about God's glory in how He formed the natural world to work as it does or to wonder at how our children amaze and capture our hearts...that's a wonder that I could feast on! Yet, on the other hand, we can wonder ourselves into doom and gloom. Especially when we wonder if we are being the mom's that our children need us to be. It's good to do a self evaluation from time to time, but I think it can be dangerous to go down destructive trails of wonder. We must be cautious.

This is getting deep. I didn't start off in deep wonder. I actually started off wondering what God's plan is for my family and me over the remaining days of this year. Just wondering if I am still in line with His plan. And I suppose with this kind of wondering I can't help but to wonder all the more about my kiddos. It's hard not knowing...so I suppose we ease our anxiety of the unknown by simply wondering. Hmm...a mom's coping mechanism? I wonder...

"Parking" Mama's Way

2011-03-26T20:01:00.000-07:00

Let's play a guessing game! I'll show you some photos and you try to guess what I like to do at this place. Ready?

Yeah, I know. That last photo threw you for a loop, didn't it. I am very sure that when I tell you what I like to do here, you will have that "huh?" look on your face. So let's turn the tables real quick before I give you my answer. Let me try to guess what you guess the answer to my little picture riddle is. I'm going to guess that you may have thought:

Shopping. An obvious but very wrong answer.
Walking. After all people do walk laps around indoor malls. But nope, I don't care to feel like a fish in the fish bowl for other's viewing pleasure...or displeasure, however you might see it.
Window Shop. Nah...too frustrating. If I see something I don't want to tease myself, I want to buy it!
People Observe. Oh, I could definitely do this because I do love to watch people, but not the reason I come to this place.
Hide. Haha! Oh, that would be a fun one, but no, there are far better places in the tri-state area that I could get lost in a crowd.

Here's the big reveal! In this place, the parking lot of a very nice and pleasant outdoor mall, I like to sit in my van and study. Yep, there you have it!

Why study in my van you ask? This particular outdoor mall is just a few minutes from the college campus I am attending. I like to review my notes before going to class, especially since one class has 5-question quizzes first thing! Yes, I could sit in my van on the campus parking lot or better yet go inside the campus building to study. But I am a very anxious person. I would not be able to think much less concentrate if I were in sight of the campus. But give me a place that I've frequented with my kids and friends...a place to just chill. HERE is where I am able to study my notes with no anxiety attacks or distractions.

Look at it this way, I have a view of many lovely store fronts. It's like window shopping from a distance! I'm not able to see any details of the items contained within so the natural instinct to drool over the glassed treasures doesn't kick in. Nice, huh?

My van instantly transforms into my office as soon as I pull out my notes. Oh, and the lovely-ness of it all if I should pull out my highlighter! Take note that I have a fancy-dancy holding device for my coffee and water. And who wouldn't envy me for having a desk top that looks like a steering wheel and a side table that strongly resembles that of a passenger seat.

Should I need a little distraction from time to time, because we mamas know that too much quiet is insane, there are people occasionally walking by and cars cruising around in search of that perfect parking spot.

So you see, as a very resourceful and creative thinking mama, I have found my study niche in the most uncommon place. I do believe I am giving a whole new meaning to "parking"...its the way a schooling mama does it. I think I'm also cleaning up the meaning. Hmm, maybe some day I'll teach my kiddos how to go "parking" as well.

In the Study of Things

2011-03-19T21:56:00.000-07:00

How in the world does a single mother of four children homeschool , return to college herself, work a side job, and still find time to enjoy her family, friends, and life?

This has been the big question swimming around in my head and I'm sure in my children and friends' heads as well. Many, including myself a time or two, doubted that I could continue to homeschool my children. It's just not possible to invest so much in those kids and expect them to get a decent education while I am also trying to get a decent education. There will not be enough time in the day for it all. I am expecting too much and putting too much pressure on myself. The doubting thoughts and comments go on.

We, as Christians, are called to be different. We are called to have a faith that goes beyond any human understanding. We are to live a life with radical trust in God. We are expected to obey God...even when it doesn't make sense to our simple minds. And we are called to be bold!

Well, brothers and sisters, let me tell you, God is making it very clear that if I will just choose to obey Him with a radical trust and faith HE will work all the kinks out and erase all doubt replacing it with confidence. Or as a friend of mine likes to call it "Godfidence". Let me show you just what I'm talking about.

Here are my study tools for this particular day:

My youngest wanted to ride her bike, so I chose to sit outside to study. While the youngest biked, my son asked if he could trim my ground cover. Sure, why not...most of it's dead from the winter any ways. So he got to work. As TJ worked on clipping, I'd stop studying here and there and chat with him. We talked about what he should and shouldn't clip, how short to clip, and then we talked about PHOTOSYNTHESIS! Wow, that was way cool! Especially since I was studying about the thickening layer of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere. The two subjects intertwined!

Eventually the mail came. Oh the excitement that comes with that! Today a very special letter from a congressman came for Della congratulating her on winning a 4-H bake-off she participated in last year. Yes, the letter was a bit late. We shared a few laughs over that. Della ripped the envelope open and read the letter herself! A huge feat for a person with dyslexia.

Shortly after the mail arrived, youngest daughter decided she wanted to dig in the dirt. Since our strawberry plants seemed to have died off for some reason, I had no problem with her digging up that area of the flower garden. With eagerness Claira got busy. She told me her plans, which of course in a six year old's mind made total sense. All I really needed to understand was that she was happy to have me there watching her work in all of her glory. Ah, the sweet things in life...

Soon enough TJ decided he was bored with trimming and decided Claira's project looked more exciting. While Claira's horses played in the dirt, TJ explained to me his new plan. But there was a kink in this plan which led to talking about EROSION! Oh the coolness in that! He then had to put on his thinking cap to figure out what he'd do to prevent erosion. Are you tasting the joy of God's provisions yet? I love the way He braided science lessons, study time, and family time together!

The erosion problem was solved and a different plan began to form...by accident! EXPERIMENTATION! Whoot! Yay, more schooling provided by God!

TJ began digging a hole near where Claira had earlier dug one. Soon, Claira ran into the house and returned with containers of water. The two discovered that when they filled the hole on higher ground the water would over flow out and find its way to the next hole. "A waterfall!" one of them exclaimed. So we talked about the flow of water! And lots of water flowed indeed while the horses played.

While a lot of this work and excitement was going on, Maggie lay under my legs. Mind you, she is not a small dog, but very much a Mama's girl.

So you see, some how, some way God is working it all out for His glory and His purpose. We are just along for the ride. What a great ride it is! Yes, this is the life! Praise God from whom ALL blessings flow!

You Too Should Own A PPD!

2011-03-16T20:33:00.000-07:00

Would you like to know what a "PPD" is? I will tell you...Personal Pacer Dog. And I happen to have a PPD!

I took up running last year. Depending on the weather I will either run outside or on a treadmill. Now that the ground is thawing and the weather is warming up I am starting to run less on the treadmill and more outside.

Today I chose to take a brisk walk with my dog, Maggie. Beings that its not ideal for Maggie to do a lot of running due to her heart murmur, we walked at a good pace. Granted, she would have liked to let loose and run herself silly, but I needed for her to last two miles! So as we walked she stayed in front of me leading the way the first mile. The leash was extended as far as it would go as she walked her fast four-legged pace in front of me. Of course, I had to walk her four-legged pace as well. I loved this! I was getting a great workout!

Suddenly I realized that Maggie was setting the pace and I wanted to keep up with it. If we were going up a hill, the pace didn't change. If we were going down a hill, the pace picked up a bit. There was no slowing down. Just like there is no slowing down on a treadmill. Once the treadmill speed is set, that's the pace you are going to consistently move unless you manually change it. A PPD doesn't have any of those fancy buttons to tempt one to change the speed or incline. A PPD is a perfect training companion! You too should own a PPD!

Other benefits to using a PPD: The interest factor is increased when using your PPD. We'd be walking along at a great pace, both of us panting, and all of a sudden...SQUIRREL! Maggie would have to immediately stop and inspect a spot on the grass that more than likely another PPD had marked. Then I had to get her going again by tugging her along. (Maggie is a petite English Mastiff. Meaning she is small at 115 pounds. It takes muscles to get my PPD moving again. Now you understand how it is that my strong PPD really does set our pace.) You too should own a PPD!

Another fun benefit that comes with the ownership of a PPD; they come with a cheering crowd that is scattered through out all neighborhoods at no extra cost! These cheering crowds will be sure to alert E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E that you are running or walking by thus increasing your cheering crowd. Granted, you do need to understand the language of Bark to know exactly what is being said to cheer you on. I have not mastered this language as of yet. All I know is the cheers encouraged Maggie so much that she would get extremely excited! Sometimes her excitement would distract her from the focus of setting the pace, so some tugging and verbal ques on my part were once again necessary. Mind you, my PPD is bilingual...she understands both Bark and English. You too should own a PPD!

Its Just the Way It Is

2011-03-13T15:44:00.000-07:00

I thought I'd have fun with this post and invite you to a photo-review of our yesterday. This should serve as a great encouragement to those of you who have joined my Reality Club.

Waiting for Breakfast

Yes, I, a homeschooling mom, do use the computer as an electronical entertainer at times...okay daily. But this isn't JUST entertainment...here's what I see:

hand-eye coordination
thinking and problem solving
working together
sibling bonding
computer technology
self control (um, yes, I did just say self control...some days these games bring out the worst in us!)
sharing

Maybe I'm stretching it a bit, but mamas like to justify reasons we allow our children to do things. And if that list wasn't enough to satisfy me, I love the fact that my kiddos were sharing one chair and smiling! Definite family bonding going on here!

I Have No Clue

Upon getting ready to head out for some errands I discovered this:

I suspect it is gray paint. The pink paint has been on this particular towel for a while. But really...a big ol' blob of gray paint?! I've just come to terms that there are are some things that just aren't worth making a big deal about because I have much bigger fish to fry with my kiddos. Just keep reminding me that some day, after all of the kids have moved out, that I will indeed miss finding gray blobs of paint on my nice yellow towels.

Queen of Lost

Oh, don't get too excited. I'm not referring to the TV show "Lost". Although we did stumble upon one of the sets of "Lost" while on vacation in Hawaii several years ago. It was the plane fuselodge that was ship wrecked, no, plane wrecked on the beach! Anyways...Squirrel! I am Magnificently Wonderful at getting lost while driving. Might I add that my talent is not watered down by my GPS either.

I was driving to pick up one of my daughters from a sleepover at a friend's house. There are two interstates in our neck of the woods...I took the wrong interstate! Needless to say, my attempts at being on time for the pick-up was not to happen. Oh, by the way, I also am the Queen of Being Late...but I'm getting help for this. A close and trusted friend is counseling me on how to change my ways. But that's a whole other can of worms!

Its Just How We Roll

Ingredients: Target, School bag and purse shopping, Really cool pieces of large fabric on a hanger, My two younger kiddos (Thing 1 and Thing 2). When these are mixed together, this is what you get:

Oh, the fun the static hair was too! Be sure to take notice of Thing 2's watermelon flip-flops. And I am thrilled that Thing 1 is wearing his new shoes rather than his old worn out ones that he kept insisting on wearing. Anyone relate?

Mom, Can I Bake Cookies?

Before I headed out for picking up a daughter and running errands, my oldest asked if she and her friend could bake cookies while I was gone. She's very good at baking cookies, so I was delighted to say yes. However, this day I wanted to use her skills to my benefit. I told her she could bake cookies so long as she made a batch for me to take to my Sunday School class the next morning since I was expected to contribute to the breakfast layout. She made the most delicious Thumbprint Cookies I have ever tasted! My friends in class agreed. See for yourself:

As with any great baker there is always some kind of fun to be had in the kitchen...and these two girls made sure to discover it! A cinnamon fight! Here is some of the evidence:

That is not dirt, but the results of the cinnamon fight. What could I do but just sigh a giggle and appreciate the joy these girls find in life!

There you have it. Our crazy ol' Saturday. I praise God that I am a laid back type person. I am grateful that I do like to have a clean house, but I don't freak if its not to Better Homes and Gardens standard. I am glad that over the years I have learned so much about which battles to pick and which to walk away from. And despite the crazy, unpredictable things that happen...I'm so happy to have the life I have with the kiddos that I have, surrounded by the friends and family that God has placed around us. Its just the way our life is...and I like it!

Switching Gears

2011-03-11T21:18:00.000-08:00

I think now is as good of a time as any to switch things up a bit...A LOT and post about reality in my family! The reality of what it looks like to be a fly on the wall, a dust bunny under the couch, a smudge on the glass door of our house. The craziness, non-stop motion and chatter and noise. The ever growing dirty laundry pile. The stacks of paper, mail, books, and whatever else that manages to find itself in a pile in the kitchen, living room, and school room (sorry Fly Lady). The pure and honest reality of being real in a world that is so afraid of reality! Yep, I'm going to lay it all out...and in the end you'll either feel like a much better parent/person or you'll feel that much less alone and join my reality club. Take your pick...

I have a perfect visual of our reality in the Miller household. Take a look of this picture that I snapped. Mind you, I was snapping it to post on my Facebook page showing off my new school books. Take a look...

Do you see it? Really, I laughed to myself when I looked at this picture. Here I am proudly displaying my newly bought school books. In the background: My son is walking by, my youngest daughter is sitting at the table and her head is barely visible above my head, the steps and floor are littered with a single shoe, a bag of clothes (probably dirty), paper, and probably a decent amount of dirt and dog hair that always collects itself at the foot of the steps. This picture strikes me funny because...well, I don't know exactly why, but it does! Maybe its because I was oblivious for those few seconds of all the reality happening around me!

So there you have it! The opening chapter to my reality. The reality that I cherish and wouldn't trade for the world! Because this is MY reality. What's your reality?

"Awe" Put in Perspecitve

2010-12-13T17:33:00.000-08:00

First things first. Watch this video. Take it all in. Soak it up. And allow yourself to be enveloped in awe.

Wow! Amazing! Incredible! Marvelous! Mind-boggling! What other words and thoughts came to your mind after viewing that video?

Like you, I've heard over and over how small we are when it comes to God's greatness; that we are just a speck, at best, in His vast creation. However, this video really drove that point home for me.

A question that came to mind after watching the video was where does God's greatness end? I know there is no beginning or ending to God, but try wrapping your brain around that after experiencing the video!

I have come away from watching the "Awe Factor" video with two massive thoughts.

First, I now totally get why it is that we are only capable of using 10% of our brain and no more. I grasp why it is that God does not allow us to understand more than a smidgen of His awesome creation. In fact, I get it to the point that I just want to say "duh..." to the many times that I and every living being has wondered why it is that God doesn't let us in on just a little more of His glory and greatness.

So why is it that God seems to keep so much of His wisdom and knowledge such a top secret thing from us? Well, I think it's simple. I think our minds would literally blow if we did know and understand a fraction of God's creation. Really!

Watch that video again then think about the fact that the Milky Way is suspended in nothingness that we call space. Think about how enormous the Milky Way is...and yet how incredibly small it is within God's entire creation that we can not even fathom its end. Think about the fact that somehow God really is able to find a needle in a massive hay stack! We are the needles and His creation is the hay stack. That blows my mind in itself!

I can't help but to think that God is actually protecting our brains when He holds back on sharing His knowledge and wisdom with us. Just as computers overload and crash...our brains would surely do the same! He loves us so much that He knows when enough is enough. Wow! If that doesn't leave you flabbergasted then, hmm....I'm just not sure what will.

The second massive thought is this. Yes, it is necessary for us to acknowledge the enormity of God's incredible, mind-blowing, and awesome creation. It gives us the perspective that we need to see that God's creation does not revolve around us alone. It also gives us the sureness of our Father's strength and ability. There are no limitations that He must be concerned with. A thought that has been passing through my mind often as of late is if God can part the Red Sea, then He surely can do _________(fill in the blank) in my life. I find comfort in His ability to do anything and beyond what I could ever imagine!

Now with this second revelation in mind, I think it is also important to not allow ourselves to become lost in our Father's grand creation. I mean, wow, God is so much larger than I can even begin to wrap my thoughts around, and if I sit trying really hard to comprehend His greatness I will find myself as a nobody. Think about it, God created this massive universe with beautiful stars, intriguing planets, paying close attention to details on each planet so that none are the same...who am I in all of this massiveness? I'm a itsy-bitsy, teeny-tiny grain of sand at best. Right?

Oh, friend, don't allow yourself to dissect God's greatness to the point of allowing yourself to dissolve in His creation! That is the farthest thing He would want to happen to us when we stand in awe of His creation beyond our little part of the universe. The Bible makes it very clear that God knows and loves each of us intimately and individually (Luke 12:7). We are not microscopic pieces of sand in His bucket, rather we are a piece of His love, His heart, His being! We matter incredibly to Him. Yes, little ol' you and me matter intently to The Creator of the universe...and beyond!

So allow yourself to be exposed to God's incredible greatness, strength, and awe, but never loose sight of the personal and intimate relationship He desperately wants with each of us. Never loose sight of the joy He finds in you and me. Never forget that in His greatness, He sent His Son to save little ol' us. Yes, The Creator's Son...for us! Oh, friend, we are definitely NOT lost in God's haystack. Nope, we are right in His firm and strong grasp. Hallelujah!

Revelation: Defined and Dissected

2010-11-12T23:00:00.000-08:00

Revelation is defined as the act or process of disclosing something previously secret or obscure, especially something true. (The Free Dictionary)

Does that definition strike you like it does me? There is so much packed into that brief definition!

I'm sure at some point in everyone's life they have had a revelation of some sort. In layman's terms, revelation could be defined as an "ah-ha" moment. Think about it, when you finally understood how to tell where north, south, east, and west are no matter where you are standing. Ah-ha! What about when you figured out how to pump up the car tires. Ah-ha! When you solved the mystery before it was revealed in the book. Ah-ha!

What about in your spiritual life. What revelations or "ah-ha" moments have you had? Hearing God speak a word so strongly into your life that you can not deny His instructions. Ah-ha! A door closes on a job opportunity that you were asking for God's guidance on. Ah-ha! God gives you a scripture over and over again during the course of several days trying to get His point across...and eventually He does. Ah-ha!

Let's break up the definition of revelation. A few things really strike me in a way that leaves me in awe.

"The act or process of disclosing something previously secret or obscure..."

I have three words for this part of the definition: Reveal and Heal. Obviously I'm not talking small change here. I don't think this definition is stuffed with fluff, rather it is heavy with rich meat! When God gives us a revelation, He first reveals something to us that either we did not know, could not comprehend or could not previously see. We have an "Ah-ha!" moment. Sometimes ah-ha moments can be painful, but healing always follows pain and not the other way around. I do believe when God reveals something painful, He has intentions of following it up with healing. I do not believe that God reveals just for the thrill of the show. That goes completely against who He is.

When an athlete is training, she works her body hard. Muscles become sore and even painful from the tissue tearing. It is necessary for the muscle to tear so that it can heal and become stronger. In this same way, God reveals and heals our hearts and minds. We must be torn so that healing can happen leaving us stronger emotionally and spiritually. As we find new strength, we are able to become bold in our faith walk. Learn to embrace when God does a Reveal and Heal procedure on you.

"...especially something true."

The latter part of revelation's meaning took me aback for a moment. I'm on fire for this at the moment because today has been full of some heavy Reveal and Heal moments for me. Let me take you back to the word "reveal" for a minute. Think about the thrill of being at a classy ceremony where a newly chiseled statue is about to be revealed. In your mind, what do you see? More than likely, since the statue hasn't been revealed yet, you are envisioning a long cloth flowing over and around the statue just waiting to be tugged off to expose the new piece of art. Once that cloth has been pulled away and the statue is revealed, truth about what was undercover is revealed! There is no more secrets or element of surprise to be had. Truth stands before you as hard as stone and there is no doubt of it's nature.

Before God moves His holy hand to the flowing cloth draped over our "statue", we aren't able to see the Truth. It may be that our spiritual vision is blurred or that Truth has just been withheld from us by the evil one's plan. Yet, just as at the revealing of the statue ceremony, there is a call to remove the flowing fabric so the statue may be revealed. God waits eagerly for us to give Him the cue to reveal Truth. It is not God's intention for us to go through life surrounded by covered statues.

Revelations end in Truth being revealed! What statues need to be revealed in your life. Give God permission to do a Reveal and Heal procedure on your heart, mind, and soul.

Where there is no revelation, people cast off restraint; but blessed is the one who heeds wisdom’s instruction. Proverbs 29:18 (NIV)

Blogging Elsewhere

2010-11-11T09:22:00.000-08:00

Today you'll find me writing as a guest blogger at The Surrendered Scribe. While you're there checking out my post, take the time to check out the rest of my author friend, Julie Arduini's blog and site. She has a passion for her Abba Daddy that I indulgently feed off of!

Make-Me-Wanna-Cry Good

2010-11-08T14:08:00.000-08:00

Why not be different this year! Instead of the old, traditional "What I'm Thankful For" list, why not a "Make-Me-Wanna-Cry Good" list! Let me explain...what is there in your life that makes you over flow with so much joy that you just want to cry tears of extreme excitement, peaceful contentment, or giddy happiness? Here's my list for today:

Jennifer's "Make-Me-Wanna-Cry Good" List

Choosing to veer away from today's to-do list so that I can indulge in low-stress time with my kiddos. Mind you, this doesn't mean that behavior is all that wonderful. Bad choices are being made, but I am better able to deal with my kiddo's bad choices so that I don't end up making a bad choice myself in my dealings with them!
Receiving a sweet and excited "hello" and wave from a 2 year old in my Moppets class. Oh, just makes me want to eat up those kiddos! It feels so good to be loved and cherished by little people!
Finding a second-hand clothing store that doesn't feel second hand at all! Love, love, love finding great quality clothes for Wal-mart prices! Tee-hee! That makes me so giddy! Making me a little more giddy was finding the half price rack at the second hand clothing store! Woo-hoo!
Purchasing a pair of jeans off the half price rack at the second hand clothing store for my oldest daughter. Did I mention she was not with me? And the jeans fit! I am feeling like Da' Mom with that successful risk-taking move.
Discovering that the above pair of jeans do not have a button on them. The beauty of this...neither my daughter or I allowed this to sour our joy of the jeans fitting. I'm currently in search of the tools for putting on a new button. God will provide...the exciting part is just who will He provide it through? It's kinda like a mini-adventure if you will. And if you don't see it as an adventure, shhhh...don't spoil the fun for our household.
Finding three pairs of jeans, for my other daughter, that she loves...and that she has no qualms of where they were purchased from. I absolutely love that my kids don't mind getting hand-me-downs or shopping in second hand stores. This just tickles my joy! Knowing that my kids appreciate. Period. Oh...that is a huge Make-Me-Wanna-Cry Good!
Finding fun and attractive Thanksgiving decorations that are priced in our budget at a new Party City! But what really made my joy explode here was looking, planning, and getting ideas with my number two daughter! Oh, we had so much fun!
Having my son ask me a couple of fun jokes...and I got them right! But the joy wasn't found in me answering them, it was in watching and listening to my son read from a source of his choosing. It was seeing his face turn into a big smile and a giggle come from his throat as I surprisingly answered his jokes correctly. And it was having my youngest daughter whispering in my ear what she thought the correct answers were.
Discovering that Jason Castro, one of last year's American Idol contestants that we really liked yet did not win the competition, is now a budding Christian artist! It sent me over the edge to discover that we've actually heard one of his songs on the radio. God is so good and I am thrilled that He is blessing Jason, and in return Jason is blessing God back. I stand in awe of God's amazing work through every day people.
Knowing, but not understanding how, that we are lacking nothing, richly blessed with so much, and abundantly happy.

Dare to be different. Make a new list this year. Make a "Make-Me-Wanna-Cry Good" list.

Here's a Make-Me-Wanna-Cry Good song, Jason Castro's new release. Enjoy to the fullest!

Breath of Heaven

2010-11-07T19:45:00.000-08:00

I invite you to listen to this beautiful song sung by Amy Grant. Think about Mary as you listen to it...and think about yourself. You just might find that you can claim this song as yours...I did.

I have traveled many moonless nights
Cold and weary with a babe inside,
And I wonder what I’ve done.
Holy father you have come,
And chosen me now to carry your son.

How often have we felt like Mary must have when she was carrying the Light of the World in her belly. Full of questions of God's love for her. Full of wonder that God chose her and loved her. No. Matter. What. Can you relate to Mary's heart cry of gratitude to God for His love that leaves her absolutely bewildered and in total awe?

I am waiting in a silent prayer.
I am frightened by the load I bear.
In a world as cold as stone,
Must I walk this path alone?
Be with me now.
Be with me now.

I have heard this song many times over the years, but it wasn't until this year that all of a sudden I began to truly grasp the magnitude of Mary's desperation for God to be with her in a heavy and no-doubt-about-it way. I can just about see and hear Mary crying to God in deep sobbing with words barely audible, much less understandable. I can hear her gasping for air in between those deep sobs. I can even sense the urgency in her being as she requests that God be with her, for she knows there is absolutely no way possible to move one step forward without His protective presence and provision. Oh, how my heart aches for the many people today who are calling out these desperate cries to their Abba Daddy.

Breath of heaven,
Hold me together,
Be forever near me,
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven,
Lighten my darkness,
Pour over me your holiness,
For you are holy.
Breath of heaven.

This...this is what I view as a faith unfailing. Mary knows she can trust God, yet she also knows that it will not be an easy road to travel carrying the Son of God. Oh, my dear friend, I can just envision Mary finishing up a deep hearted sob session, then finds the bold strength to lift her head to Heaven and with trust and obedience ask God to hold her together. To guide her through the uncertain days ahead and to pour His holiness over her! By the time she's done with these words, she is no longer a woman curled up on the floor sobbing, but a woman standing tall and sure of who she is to her Abba Daddy. Can you just envision God's mightiness in this young woman? Can you envision His mightiness in yourself?

Do you wonder as you watch my face,
If a wiser one should have had my place,
But I offer all I am
For the mercy of your plan.
Help me be strong.
Help me be.
Help me.

Do you see that although Mary is set apart because she is the mother of Jesus, she is still a human being just like us. She begins to doubt her worthiness to be used by God. How often do we do this very thing? I love that as soon as she is finished voicing her doubt to God, she immediately turns her face back to Truth. Through the Truth of God's unconditional love, presence, strength, and provisions, she is reminded of worth and chooses to be obedient. But this obedience and trust in her Father does not mean she goes it on her own. She is pleading for God to help her be strong. Then it is as if she is intently praying for strength until she just simply runs out of words...or until God hushes her so that she can rest in order to find strength. Oh, the possibilities!

I know this is just a song, not scripture. But just fancy me and go to that imaginative place in your brain with me for a few minutes and relate with the virgin Mary. Claim this song as your own...a prayer of praise, thanksgiving, and urgent need of your Abba Daddy!

Rise Up!

2010-02-09T16:06:00.000-08:00

"I am!" I called out with my head held high,

Quickly dropping it because there was no pride.

That heaviness rushed back once more,

Driving my heart into the cold, hard floor.

"I am!" I stated to the listening ear,

Who stood there as I spoke a picture so clear.

Tears start flowing from my eyes,

Darn these damning feelings that terrify.

"I am!" I whispered through trembling voice,

Wanting so desperately to find a reason to rejoice.

"I can not shake this! Help me, please!"

Is all I can muster as I fall on my knees.

"I am so exhausted, beaten up, and depleted"

I spoke again to the One rightly seated.

"No! I do not want to claim this title any longer,

I want to be with You and of the Stronger."

"Build me up with Your love and perfection,

Reclaim me as Yours- I remember my adoption.

Justify my desire to run on and on,

Pressing forward, for this race is challenging and long."

"Rise up!" I hear a booming sound,

It does not bother those around.

"Rise up, My child! Be made whole!"

My head rises as does my soul!

"Rise up and find your strength in Me,

You are Mine and I've made you free.

Free from bondage to this ton,

Free to live, and dance, and run!"

"Your chains are broken, hear them brake,

Now give them to me, I will take.

Run strong and true, child of Mine,

Run your race and cross the line!"

"Never forget in your weakness you'll find,

This is when you're made strong through my Devine.

You are precious, loved, and matter,

Never run back to that house of tatter!"

Suddenly I feel a firm grip,

It's strong, and tight, and doesn't slip.

It's not a grip of dread and despair,

Rather it brings life! It has flair!

That title I once bared across my heart,

That tied it up and left some marks.

It's gone! Replaced! I am redeemed!

My title now causes my eyes to gleam!

"Victim" I am no more!

Satan, you have lost this war!

Victor, Victorious, Victory!

Jesus, I thank You that you love me!

I rise up with my head held high,

I look up, my face to the sky.

Strength, power, and endurance now reign,

I run and run delighted in my victory gain!

© 2009 by Jennifer Miller.

If You Give A Mom An Orange

2010-01-30T19:45:00.000-08:00

If you give a mom an orange she's going to cut it up before eating it. So she'll grab a plate and knife. After cutting and eating the orange she'll have to wash her hands, which will remind her that she's using the last dish towel and so she must get another load of laundry going. As she's loading up the laundry she is reminded that she wanted to put that pile of out grown children's clothes on the curb to be picked up by the Vietnam Vets. So she'll run down stairs to get a plastic grocery bag to put the clothes in only to be reminded that she needed to add toothpaste to the shopping list. After adding to her shopping list she'll remember that she needs to make sure the kids have brushed their teeth. When she goes to inquire about the teeth brushing she’ll discover that the little darlings have snuck water into their bedroom to give their stuffed animals a bath. Then she’ll not only have to work on drying up the mess, but will be reminded that she's yet to get her load of laundry started. So she’ll instruct the children to clean up THEIR mess as she stomps out of the room to collect that load of laundry. As she's heading in the direction of the washing machine her dog will request to be let outside. She’ll set the dirty laundry down to open the door and will notice that a child has left a snack bowl on the deck. So she’ll collect the abandoned dish and then walk it over to set in the sink. She’ll glance at the clock and notice that it is already lunch time…actually past lunch time! So she’ll dig out bread, peanut butter, and jelly, and a few healthy fruits for good measure. She’ll notice that the roast is still in the fridge. OH NO! The roast is in the fridge

…it should be in the crockpot! So she’ll unwrap the roast, throw it in the crockpot, quickly rinse, peel, and dice up veggies and then add some random spices to the mix. Done! Whew! She’ll wash her hands and remember she was working on laundry, but she was also working on lunch. She’ll stand there, in her kitchen, arguing with herself about which task she should tackle first: laundry or lunch. After all, we all know that lunch will win over and the laundry will be forgotten…again!

Really...Fun at the Library!

2009-12-09T18:09:00.000-08:00

We stumbled upon a fun way to get our reading in while enjoying our local library and learning about various topics. We simply walk over to the shelves that feature a special topic for the week or month. I tell the kids to pick out any book they'd like to read from this limited area. After all four kids have made their choices we gather on the comfy chairs by the big picture windows. There's a large ottoman with an oversized checkers board and puzzles nearby to help keep kiddos close and entertained as they await for their book to be in the spotlight.

Each child tells why they chose the book; was it the artwork, title of the book, the way the cover looked, etc. Then that child reads his or her book (I read Claira's still). Last, we talk about the book. Lots of fun things to learn this way!

This is such a sweet book with four stories of what might have been happening among the animals in Bethlehem at the time of Jesus' birth. I highly recommend The Christmas Sheep by Avril Rowlands as a delightful Christmas read with your children of all ages.

Oh my goodness, this book was hilarious! We had so much fun listening to TJ read I See Santa Everywhere by Glenn McCoy and finding Santa in his disguise on each page. We will be reading this book many, many more times this Christmas...just for the fun of it!

Snowmen at Christmas by Caralyn Buehner is a book that is very pleasing to the eye with warm pictures illustrated by Mark Buehner. We had fun seeing the creative ways the Buehner's told of what the snowmen do at night when we are all in bed. This is the the kind of book you bundle up on the couch with the kiddos under one blanket and simply enjoy.

"I'm Not Santa!" by Johnathon Allen was a cute book. The illustrations reminded Grace of Mo Willems' Pigeon books. This was not as funny as the Pigeon books, but was cute.

Exclamation Point Required

2009-12-07T11:41:00.000-08:00

Since you are my rock and my fortress, for the sake of your name lead and guide me. -Psalms 31:3

Honestly, when I read that verse I do not read it with a sweet, pleading voice. I do not read it with a tone that speaks admiration or lacks emotion. When I read that verse I read it with urgency, expectation, and need.

The word urgent is defined as calling for immediate action or attention; showing earnestness or the desire for something to be done quickly.

Yes, it is very urgent to me that God lead and guide me...NOW, ASAP, PRONTO!

Expectation is defined as a confident belief; a standard of conduct or performance expected by or of somebody.

Not only is it urgent that God lead and guide me, but I completely expect Him to do so without fail! He has promised to be my rock and stronghold. Beings that "rock" and "stronghold" are not weak sounding words I'm feeling very confident that God is counting on me to have high expectations of Him.

Need is so much more than just strongly desiring or wanting; it is requiring something; necessary; essential.

I require God's leading and guiding me, for on my own I falter. It is necessary and essential for Him to direct my walk, otherwise I wander down the wrong and dangerous paths.

So, God, since You are my rock and fortress, for the sake of Your name lead and guide me! (Exclamation point required.)

Behavior Check

2009-11-30T17:40:00.001-08:00

"I will walk a blameless path, but how I need your help, especially in my own home, where I long to act as I should." Psalms 101:2

I am one of those people who likes to just open my Bible with no rhyme or reason to see where I land in scripture. I search with my eyes and listen with my heart for what God has to tell me.

Some days I have to search and search. Sometimes the deep searching means rereading that scripture passage over and over again, while at other times it means flipping to a different section of the Bible.

I love the days that I flip open scripture and, BOO, there it is! This morning was one of those mornings. I couldn't miss it! Psalms 101:2

How I long to act in my home the way I do in public. It comes all too easy to be overly critical of family members, fuss, or worse, yell at them. My lack of patience is one I struggle with under this roof I call home. I even have a difficulty managing my time. On those days that I am fussing at the kids, am lacking patience, and have no time discipline I find myself wanting to throw my hands up in the air and cry out to whoever is in earshot, in particular my Father, "What's the use! I can't do this!"

We all have those days that we just want to throw in the towel and walk away because we can NOT behave on our own! We need, desperately need, God's help to behave when we are in our homes. Evidently David was no different than we are. He is the one who penned those words.

I don't know about you, but I find comfort in knowing that Bible heroes struggled with the daily battles we do. David confesses that he is not able to behave properly without God's help. Wow!

I needed this little "swift kick in the rear" today. Why? Because behaving is something I'm not able to do all on my own. I need help, major help, big help. I need The Helper to be with me and remind me how to behave especially in my own home. How about you?

Despite the Rubbish ~ A Parable of Sorts

2009-11-22T14:16:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time there was a path that led many visitors through its magnificent woods. The visitors would come to admire the beauty of the land covered in a deep green carpet of wild plants and trees that were both thick in diameter and tall in height.

During the summer the woods’ green carpet was spotted with many colors provided by the various wild flowering plants. Purples, both deep and light, yellows, pinks, and rich reds peppered themselves as far as the eye could see. The magnificent woods seemed to be dressed in jewels.

In the midst of winter, when the green carpet was no more and the trees had released their green garments, the snow would blanket over the entire woods. The empty tree branches would hold the snow as if wearing a new garment. The floor became the resting place for what appeared to be the trees' long, velvet trains. The woods were not only magnificent, but majestic looking despite the lack of color. There was a sense of royalty as the snow and ice sparkled in the sunlight as if they were diamonds of many.

Each year the magnificent woods would go through the cycle of dressing in beautiful shades of green, eventually adding speckles of rich color; then gradually changing its dress from greens to browns, oranges, reds, and yellows. Soon the trees would share their beautiful colors with the floor of the woods allowing the floor to be covered in these warm colors. Finally, the white snow would gently fall and glamorously dress the trees and the floor of the woods.

Many visitors came to the magnificent woods year round to experience its various beauties. However, as it seems, all good things must come to an end. The visitors eventually dwindled down to a trickle. For many reasons, visitors stopped coming out to soak in the wonders of the beauty of the woods. As the visitors decreased, so did the maintenance of the paths.

Those who didn't care so much for the land began to leave their trash, eventually turning their small trash stash into a small pile. The small trash pile then turned into a large mound of rubbish. The beauty of the woods was being over taken by trash and now weeds and many things that were not pleasant to the eye. However, the paths remained as did the woods.

One summer day an older visitor walked down the path remembering the many trips he had enjoyed with his family. He remembered the beauty and wonders that were scattered throughout the land and in the trees. He remembered the many mysteries that led his children to crouch down and call out, "Dad, come look at this! Do you know what left this paw print?" He remembered his youngest daughter walking off the path and collecting a fat handful of flowers that were all the colors of the rainbow. He even remembered the one time they trotted out in 13 inches of snow, throwing snowballs along the way, in search of that steep hill that was sure to give them a thrill on their sleds. And it did!

As the man walked the path he came upon a large pile of rubbish. He sadly saw someone's old paper cup and crumpled napkins discarded. There were plastic sandwich bags and even an old beaten up path marker with its half rotted post. What had become of this magnificent woods that suddenly the majestic place was being turned into a small dump. The man, saddened, walked on.

He came upon one more rubbish pile. This one was once again filled with trash from old picnics, an old tire, and broken glass bottles. But as he looked closer he noticed something mysterious! On the far side of the tire was a vibrant green plant growing. It was different from the other weeds growing in the pile. What was different about this weed he wondered. Mystified by this plant the man decided he'd come back to observe it. Maybe his aged eyes were playing games with his head. Or maybe this weed was more than a weed.

Three weeks passed before the old man was able to get back out to the magnificent woods. Everything still looked more or less the same. There were some nice colors throughout the woods, but nothing breath-taking like years ago. The man marched along the path with wonder of what had become, or not become, of that one particular weed. Had it shriveled up and died like so many of the weeds? Had it grown only to showcase its dull colors and thorny branches?

As the man approached the pile of rubbish, which hosted the weed in question, he stopped in his tracks. He couldn't believe his eyes. How could this be? His aged eyes were definitely playing games with him, for this is something he had never in all his many visits seen before!

"What in the world..." the man began to think to himself in amazement. He walked on needing a closer observation of what he saw. Could it really be?

The man, with a tear forming in his eye, approached the plant with an extended hand. He reached and grasped a branch of the plant, being careful not to grab a thorn. He examined closely with his aged eyes and saw that although aged, his eyes had not misled him.

The old man drew the branch closer to his nose. He closed his eyes and mouth, and then gently inhaled the sweet fragrance. Again, he indulged in the sweet fragrance. He peeked through his eye lids and was in such delight!

Although he was standing in a pile of rubbish. Although there were weeds now covering the woods' floor. Although the woods were not a magnificent as in years past, no one told this plant that.

When everyone else was done with the woods and labeled it a thing of the past, no one ever told this rose plant that! The rose plant chose to thrive! It did not matter that it was surrounded by rubbish rather than luscious green plants displaying majestic colors. It did not matter that visitors rarely came through the woods to enjoy its wonders. None of that mattered to this rose plant.

What did matter is that this rose plant knew it was created to be a rose plant. It was created to grow to be big and beautiful with a multitude of branches and each displaying numerous roses. It was created to bring joy and delight no matter where it's location.

This rose plant knew that it was created to grow where it was planted. And grow it did.

The mystery still remains on how this single rose plant found its way to the middle of the woods, on top of a pile of rubbish, next to an old path; just as we often discover that we are living amongst a pile of rubbish. Rather than try to solve the mystery of how we got there, we can choose to pale away or grow where we are planted. Just as one very special rose plant did.

A Frustrating Kind of Blessing - Part II

2009-11-01T19:44:00.000-08:00

"In April '09 the putter grew into a soft roar that was just waiting to unleash itself in all of its glory."

Banana-Strawberry and Blueberry Muffins

We've all heard the saying, "God doesn't call the equipped. He equips the called." I am living proof of this amazing truth. Take notice of the photo above. It provides proof of God's ability to do what He pleases with whom He pleases. In the photo are muffins that I baked. They are not your everyday boxed Betty Crocker muffins. Those muffins resemble the muffins you find in bakeries. They have the taste and the look of top notch muffins! Amazed? Me too.

If you'll recall from the last post I shared that I baked cookies and snack cakes to help a friend raise money for a mission trip. You must understand that I was hoping in the depths of my heart that I'd be able to raise $20. My cookies weren't anything special. I have no baking experience other than the absolute basic skills which most of us acquire over time.

Double Chocolate and Raspberry Filled Scones

Ah-ha, but my cookies and snack cakes were special! They were anointed by God's hands. It was His will and plan that many of these treats would be sold despite my lack of fancy baking skills. He's God. He can plant the needed skills and talents in my mind, heart, and soul at His will. And plant He did! My weak goal of raising $20 for my friend was blown away by raising over $150!

The strange thing about this is that my desire to bake for others continued to grow, but I had no clue what to do with that desire. However, God sure did! I was asked if I'd be interested in running the coffee bar at our church and baking for it.

I have to stop here momentarily. Would you like to hear proof that God has a really great sense of humor? I was not a coffee drinker...and God wanted me to run this coffee bar? I was not a baker. I had no clue what a scone tasted like much less how to make them. But God is faithful to provide, and provide He did!

Marble Scones

I have been managing and baking for the coffee bar for six months. In this short amount of time I have developed my baking skills greatly. I have become more confident in my baking abilities and my baked goods. I am now known for the delicious scones I bake. (Remember I had never experienced a scone until six months ago.)

I delight in creating new scone and muffin recipes. It brings me joy to be able to share my creative and artistic side. Yes, creative and artistic abilities are great talents to combine with baking. I whole-heartily believe baked goods need to look as good as they tastes.

I have regular customers and know what they are after when they approach the counter. I have new customers who are in line because they have heard how scrumptious my baked goods are. I have customers asking for my recipes, which I am not giving out. Rather, I now sell my mixes and bake to fill occasional orders. I have also been approached by another baker who has researched and has interest in opening a local bakery. She's interested in my baked goods. I have been asked by a friend who has talent and experience in marketing if I'm ready to market my mixes.

Caramel Apple Scones

None of the above is my doing. I do not boast in myself, rather in God's way of equipping and accomplishing His will in the least of these. This is all God! I simply obeyed...blindly obeyed. I made myself available to His molding and leading.

Is all of this a blessing to me? Most definitely! Is it a bit frustrating to me as well? Yes. When a new chapter in our lives is opened changes must be made. We must close the previous chapter and move on. Sometimes it is difficult to proceed to the next chapter. Relationships change. Schedules change. Priorities change. We change. Getting readjusted and acquainted to all the newness is difficult and can be frustrating. But once again, we must learn to actively rest during these seasons of change. We must step aside and allow God to work His wonders. Then, that is when we can begin to experience the fullness of the blessing!

A Frustrating Kind of Blessing - Part I

2009-10-30T20:48:00.000-07:00

Just when we think life is finally on a smooth and straight road allowing us to sit back and set the cruise control a curve pops up and the road becomes unpredictable. Sometimes this is a frustrating and not so wonderful thing; sometimes its a blessing. And there are those times that it is both...a frustrating blessing.

Blessings can be frustrating because we just aren't sure what to do with them or how to handle and manage them. The blessing can be obviously filled with purpose and continually confirmed by God to be His will. But managing these blessings is a learning process. During the learning process we can choose to lead or be led.

Leading means we decide what we think is best, consulting only ourselves, and making decisions upon our feelings, inklings, and past experiences. We become self-reliant, which leads to stress, pressure, uncertainty, weariness, and exhaustion.

Being led on a frustrating blessing is a whole different story, a different experience. Different. In order to be led we must step aside, setting aside our agenda and pride, and let the One who knows lead. It simply requires us to trust, obey, and follow. We do not have to probe our brains for the right answer, nor loose sleep over uncertainty. We rest.

Interestingly enough, rest tends to be a more active word rather than passive in this case. We actively have to choose to step aside and not lead. We have to actively focus on trusting, obeying, and following. We have to actively rest.

Over the past six months my life has been a frustrating blessing. Blessed, that I most definitely am. Frustrated, I am this also. As I work on actively resting in God's will, He is teaching me so much and growing my faith as if it was fed with Miracle Grow. Which is a good thing since through this blessing I feel that I am also being pruned.

Ah, yes, a frustrating kind of blessing. Mine began with a quiet little putter in the very beginning of 2009 with :

A letter from a friend asking for financial and prayerful support for a mission trip to Haiti.

The book Curious George Makes Pancakes

A family pancake fundraiser

Over $40 raised in one month's time

The quiet little putter grew a little louder by March '09. It's beginning was familiar. It continued with:

A letter from another friend asking for financial and prayerful support for a mission trip to Romania.

A brain storming session with my children around the dinner table

Baking cookies and chocolate snack cakes and selling them to neighbors, friends, and strangers.

Over $150 raised in one month's time

In April '09 the putter grew into a soft roar that was just waiting to unleash itself in all of its glory.

A Frustrating Kind of Blessing - Part II to come.

Schooling on the Go

2009-10-28T18:43:00.000-07:00

My life is crazy enough as it is with homeschooing my 4 children. Really. But God must think that my life isn't crazy enough or that it needs a little spice of a different flavor of crazy because He sure has been cooking up something lately! I will share the whole long story in another post soon, but for today I wanted to focus in on ways that we were able to squeeze in schooling while on the go. Here are the lessons we had today:

~TJ and Claira discovered several earthworms struggling to stay alive on the concrete in front of our church. I was in my usual "come on, let's get moving" mode, but then something told me to slow it down and embrace this moment. So I did! We all walked over and observed the worms. I would have been happy to have left it at that, but TJ and Claira begged me to let them "save" the worms...and I finally gave in. TJ transferred the worms to the moist soil and made verbal note to me that the worms would now live. I made a quick gesture handing him a wet wipe. Everyone was happy in the end and we had a mini science class!

~As we ate a quick meal at Sam's Club today I informed the children that we would not be getting refills of soda this time. Did you know there is 12 teaspoons of sugar in a 12 oz Coke? I shared this with the children and we talked a little more about the whole "why sugar isn't good for you" thing. Although everyone would have like to have had a soda for the road, no one complained when it was time to shop and compliantly put their cups in the trash. Health class 101...check.

~In the MOPS group that I am a part of we are doing Secret Sisters this year. This is the first time I've ever had a secret sister and it thrills me to pieces! While we were in Kroger I happened to glance over at the seasonal area and noticed a very cute little decorative pumpkin that was marked at a very reasonable price. So I decided to purchase it to surprise my secret sister with later. Fast forward to shopping in Hobby Lobby. Grace was glancing through the clearance area and discovered a sweet "Dance" crystal iron on for a t-shirt. She was not thinking of herself, rather of one of her best friends who loves to dance. She saw me desiring to bless a friend with a small dose of love and wanted a piece of that as well. She was being unselfish and so thoughtful. What a lesson that is in itself!

~Della brought $5 with her today with plans of spending it on something. She had decided on purchasing an air freshener refill (which she had a coupon for), a container of sunflower seeds, and two donuts (one for her and one for Grace). Of course the kids always like to go through the self checkout lane, so we did. After ringing up her items and passing the coupon to the attendant she was informed that the coupon was only good on the purchase of two air freshener refills. So she had to decide what to do, all the while doing math in her head. In the end she chose to not purchase the air freshener. Math, problem solving, and responsibility lessons learned here!

~Grace carved our pumpkin while at Core (aka. youth group). She had to handle the knife, design the pumpkin (which the family told her we wanted it to look like a "happy princess with two big teeth that had just seen a ghost"), actually create her design, and have fun doing it all at the same time. I don't' know that the pumpkin looked like the princess we requested, but it did look goofy and she did have fun. Many lessons learned here once again!

~Finally, Della was on top of the time management lesson this evening. When we work the coffee bar everyone knows where to find me. So needless to say closing up takes much longer than it should. But when someone comes to talk about whatever, I like to make time for them. Tonight Della took it upon herself to begin the shutting down process. Putting away syrups, money, mixes, etc. She was on the ball and it helped me so much! Not only did she have a time management lesson, but also is learning a wealth of skills from running a cash register and interacting with so many customers.

Wow! Who would have ever thought school could be so much fun on a day that was so incredibly busy? Although I am always exhausted after our non-stop busy days, when I slow down long enough to smell the roses with my kids I am so blessed!

Life Challenges

2009-04-15T20:22:00.000-07:00

Hello. My name is Jennifer and I am the creator of this blog. Thought I should reintroduce myself after such a long time of being MIA. I think I've simply needed the break and rest from blogging. I actually lost the desire to blog and almost deleted Focus Findings, but each time I started down that road something stopped me. Or should I say some One stopped me. Over the past week I've begun to feel the nudge to get back to my blogs, but a very gently nudge.

It seems that so long as we allow Him, God never stops working on our hearts. I am so thankful for this fact. I am thankful that after the uncountable times in a day that I take back my heart, do my best to hide it away from its Creator, and disguise it as happy and wonderful that my Father does not pass up the opportunity to lovingly care and repair it...again.

Right now God is working on my tone of voice with my family. Have you ever paid attention to your tone when conversing with your family? In our household the tone seems to be set on the frustrated setting. A good chunk of the time everyone in my family has that tone when conversing with each other. Where did that come from and why is it staying? I find myself wondering these things often lately. Today God told me to take note of MY tone of voice. Ugh!

During my time with God this morning He gave me some encouraging words, little did I know they would help me in my new life challenge.

Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer to everyone. -Colossians 4:6
Be kind and merciful. Let no one ever come to you without coming away better and happier. -Mother Teresa

This is a hard challenge to face and not fun at all, however I know it is necessary. Anyone else feeling the need to face this or another tough life challenge? Let's support each other as we strive to become seasoned with salt.

I Love Being a Mom!

2009-03-23T19:25:00.000-07:00

I find it to be rather interesting that when I get my priorities straight and in their places that I am able to spend more quality time with my children. The time I spend with them may be a couple of minutes of my undivided, one-on-one attention or much longer with all four of them. None-the-less, spending this much needed time with them makes me realize just how much I love being a mom!

I thought it would be fun to invite you to post on your blog why you love being a mom. I posted my "I Love Being a Mom!" post on my family blog, 317 Zephaniah Way. After you post, come back and leave a comment so I can visit your blog.

While we are talking about our love of being a mom, this is a great time to share with you something I have heard about a couple of times over the past week. Writing a mission statement for yourself. Here is my mission statement:

I desire to unconditionally love and serve my family. Cheering them on as they run the race of life and encouraging them to get up each time they fall. I strive to be an encourager to moms as they serve and encourage their families. I want to do all I can to keep my focus on God and encourage others to do the same.

Are you up to the challenge of writing a mission statement for yourself while you are sharing why you love being a mom?

Reclaiming the Loves of My Life

2009-03-18T21:05:00.000-07:00

At the beginning of the year God gave me the word "focus". Focus on my relationship with God. Focus on my marriage. Focus on my family. Focus, focus, focus. This past weekend I attended a wonderful Hearts as Home women's conference in Bloomington, Illinois. I came home with yet another word..."reclaim". Reclaim my marriage. Reclaim my children. Reclaim my time. Do not mistaken this reclaim as a wimpy verb. No, this reclaim is filled with power, determination, and dedication.

Maybe you're wondering if I have lost my marriage, family, and time. Well, in one sense, no, yet in another sense, yes. I still physically have my husband, family, and time. It doesn't appear that I have been robbed of any of my precious loved ones. However, if you look a little deeper you'll see...just as you will in so many other households in this country...robbed!

Work, finances, and lack of communication have robbed me of my marriage...BUT God has told me not to allow these worldly things to weaken my relationship with my husband. Go after him, pursue him, and don't stop until the devil's grip on my marriage has loosened and we are once again completely in God's grasp. The grip is loosening. With God's help, I am reclaiming my marriage!!

TV, computer games, and video games have robbed me of my children...BUT God has told me to fight off these worldly influences. Put an end to depending on electronics to entertain when I need a helping hand. Rather, encourage the children to dive back into the precious appreciation of God's blessing of nature and all of its wonders, strengthening relationships (face-to-face, not virtual), and allow the children to rediscover self entertainment. What wonder it has been over the past couple of days to see my children lavishing themselves in God's wonders of nature and people! With God's help, I am reclaiming my children!!

Staying too busy, spending wasted time on the computer, and answering the phone impulsively rather than screening calls have robbed me of my time...BUT God has told me to redeem my time. Quit wasting time running in circles trying to please everyone (especially those outside of my family), stop wasting time on the computer, and take advantage of Caller ID and answering machines. By taking these simple steps over the past couple of days I have:

Taken a long walk and played "freeze tag" with my kids outside.

Enjoyed, really enjoyed the wonder of God's world outside...again. There is nothing better for the soul than spending some time outside in the warmth of the sun with a fresh breeze surrounding you.

I watched the kids ride their bikes and had a little bit of time to sit with Grace and have a sweet chat while the youngers peddled their hearts out.

I've even given a little more attention to our sweet dog, Maggie.

I've been able to focus on my kids so much more...especially in the area of disciplining with patience.

I was able to do school with ALL FOUR kids! Yes, even my dear little Claira. The younger two and I read/rowed Make Way for Ducklings and learned a little about Boston.

I helped Della plant tulips in the front yard. She purchased them with her money while we were out today.

I took Grace to the pet store so she could purchase a cage that was on sale for her future ferret that she is diligently saving up for.

With God's help, I am reclaiming my time!!

It is so easy these days to numb ourselves to the realities of this fallen world. Then before we know it we are crying, "I've been robbed!"...and we've enabled the robber to violate us! We've opened the door, let him in, and even directed him to our family members...without realizing what we are really doing. We must snap out of it and become proactive...reclaiming our marriages, our children, and our time.

I know this is a rather heavy post, but this is also a heavy revelation.

As for the Hearts as Home (HAH) conference, I want to encourage every mom to visit the HAH website and even investigate what the conferences are all about. What a treat this two day get-a-way is! It is encouraging, fun, and so well rounded. I walked away feeling honored to be a mom, not alone in my struggles, and filled with hope, information, love. I encourage you to visit a fellow mom's blog, Radically Blessed. Tricia has a great post on this WONDERFUL event and all the fun we had. If you have questions about the conference or are considering going, please let me know! I sense God has encouraged me to share this incredible conference with other moms and encourage them to go...I am also willing to go again if anyone wants to give this jammed packed fun and encouraging weekend a try.

Choices

2009-03-08T21:43:00.000-07:00

Choice is a word I use often with my kids.

"Be sure to make good choices."

"Did you make a good choice?"

"Was that a wise choice?"

"It's your choice."

Recently I've realized that God is asking these same questions and making these similar statements to me. So what in the world is a choice anyways? I looked it up, didn't really feel like I was getting a good definition, then looked up choose and, BINGO, found it.

Choose- to make a deliberate decision to do something

This is exactly what I was looking for; after all we know what a choice is, but to actually see the definition really hit home. Read the definition again and really let it sink in.

You see, we have so many choices to make in a day, hour, minute that we become almost desensitized to the fact that we have choices to make. Think about it.

We have the choice to over eat or not.

We have the choice to lose our temper or not.

We have the choice to lie or not.

We have the choice to love or not.

We have the choice to forgive or not.

We have the choice to use our time wisely or not.

We have the choice to break the law or not.

We have so many more choices to make that if you were to list the choices you make in a day it would probably overwhelm you. Granted, some choices we can literally make without really thinking. I know I tend to automatically stop for a stop light without questioning if I should obey it or not. I tend to feed my family at the appropriate times. I tend to smile at people I pass while walking in a store. Those choices could almost be considered no-brainer choices.

On the other hand, we have choices that require our brains to consciously operate. Over the past couple of weeks God has been revealing some of these conscious choices to me, and they are not always easy to face. Here are a few conscious choices that God has exposed to me lately:

The choice to love. I never in my wildest dreams would have ever thought love was more than just a natural emotion. However, it doesn't surprise me either because a couple of years ago God began revealing to me the lies emotions and feelings can feed our hearts. That old saying "Listen to your heart" is such a lie and can actually bring much heart ache. I've been reading that there are times that we need to lead our heart to love rather than simply following our heart. Read that again and let it sink in. When our children make bad choices, we have the choice to love them or not. That is a rather easy choice to make usually. But what about the impatient person standing in line behind you complaining about the slow service? What about the friend who let you down...again? What about the spouse who has fallen short of your ideal? We have a choice...to love or not. Sometimes we may not feel like loving, this is when we must choose to lead our hearts into love.

The choice to give our all. Tonight I read an email from one of the editors at Take Root and Write, a Christian Women's E-Magazine that I write for. She spoke of the choice we have...to go through the motions or to give our all to whatever we do. Hmmm...this one got me thinking. I admit that I've been in a slump for the past month or so. I've been going through the motions, doing just enough to get by. It is so easy to live "going through the motions" when we are bogged down with life, overwhelmed with caring for the family, and trying to keep our priorities in their right order. Our brains numb themselves and we forget that we have choices to make. We can choose to give our all or just enough to get by. I'm thinking God favors that we give our all...even when we are tired and worn out. He will be our All so that we can give our all. (Please be sure to remind me of this from time to time.)

The easy choice vs. the right choice. I don't know about you, but when I have a choice to eat a chocolate mousse dessert or not it is definitely easier and, at the moment, more satisfying to choose to indulge myself. To let the smooth and creamy delight rest in its spot is so hard for me...but there are so many times that it would be the right thing to leave the dessert alone. As humans it seems we tend to lean toward the easy choice and steer clear of the right choice because it takes purposeful effort to make the right choice. We all know that there are times that making the right choice is hard, painful, and sometimes doesn't even make sense to others, but we shouldn't let these things persuade our choices. Easier said than done, I know. So, how do we make the right choice rather than the easy choice? It involves getting down on our knees and asking our Father for guidance, strength, and wisdom.

I challenge you to munch on the word choose and it's definition. Crank up your brain and take note of the choices you make, the deliberate decisions you make. Will your choices encourage or damage? Will your choices leave you regretful or at peace? Will your choices be mindless or mindful?

The Art of Spinning

2009-02-28T13:41:00.001-08:00

Grace, my 12 year old daughter, recently discovered the trick to spinning without getting dizzy...or at least not too dizzy. She has a new friend in our homeschool co-op that is a ballet dancer. After classes were over the kids were hanging out in a common area just gabbing and enjoying the unstructured time to be kids. This friend shared with the kids the secret to spinning, which Grace in turn shared with me. This is what she told me, and caught my immediate attention:

"Focus on one point. Then as you are turning you keep coming back to that point."

No doubt, I instantly heard God telling me to take note of what Grace had just told me. So I did.

The distractions of life can leave our heads spinning and our minds feeling anxious, confused, and even lost. Even during these times when we feel overwhelmed and undone as life leaves us wobbly we must continue to keep coming back to the Prince of Peace. He will never let us down.

Focusing on Him,

Jennifer